NTMP #2 - February 6, 2022
Your weekly dose of new-to-me and hopefully fun-for-you phrases.
This week’s phrases
W-crap * Autocorrectile Dysfunction * Things-in-things * POWER WAFFLES® * Taylordle * Snack account * Beverage trolling * Mega-divorced real-estate failson Donald J. Trump * Serially bankrupt C-list tabloid clown * Backronym * Moon Trees * National Feral Swine Damage Management Program * Megacolon
How about some context for the phrases?
This week we have not one, but TWO marvelous dunks on Trump, which is one of my favorite phrase varieties. Also, feral swine and things going very, very wrong with colons. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
RIP to Howard Hesseman, who was probably best known for playing Dr. Johnny Fever on the ‘70s sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati - a big fave among my Gen-X cohort. While reading an obit for Hesseman, who by many accounts seemed to be a pretty great guy1, I discovered that ‘WKRP’ was a play on the word ‘crap’ and . . .
. . . WHAT? How did I, of all the disgusting and immature people, not catch that? You think you know yourself, and wow.
2. Autocorrectile Dysfunction
My brilliant writer friend Kelly shared this one in our group chat, referencing our frequent misadventures in autocorrect.
From my friend (they know who they are) who worked at a tech company that used this phrase (“internally and colloquially”) to describe the specific types of porn that they would not allow on their platform. Apparently, as long as all of the things were not in any of the other things, then it was cool for users to post those things. Challenge accepted!
My friend added: “It wasn’t a hard and fast rule (heh) just sort of a rule of thumb (heh, again)2.”
4. POWER WAFFLES®
An actual product by Kodiak Cakes that smells INCREDIBLE while toasting. I haven’t tried them yet but my son who eats extra protein for health reasons says they’re really good and don’t taste like protein powder. Which is always a plus in a waffle. Or anything, really.
My friend Rebecca sent me this one - for all you Swifties out there, here’s a Wordle based on Taylor Swift’s life and music. Enjoy!
6. Snack account
My hag friends and I may have started an Instagram devoted to snacking. And being hags.
7. Beverage trolling
IMMEDIATELY — like, literally as one of us was creating the account — a dispute arose over whether beverages were snacks. I may have vowed to troll the beverage deniers.
8. Mega-divorced real-estate failson Donald J. Trump
If you click any link from this week’s newsletter, let it be this one from Defector by co-founder Albert Burneko. (That link shouldn’t be firewalled). Via my friend John, with apologies for having to view a photo of Rudy Giuliani before you start reading. Seriously, I dream of writing something this brilliantly hilarious and spot-on.
9. Serially bankrupt C-list tabloid clown
See 8., above. Did you read that Defector piece yet? Don’t talk to me until you do!
Not all phrases reflect my inner 12-year old; sometimes they merely reveal my blatant ignorance. This one was a NYT crossword clue and I’d never heard of it.
11. Moon Trees
My friend Jessica mentioned moon trees and I’d never heard of them. First of all, this is just a great phrase on its own, without context. Makes you kind of wish there were trees on the moon. Someone please put this in a poem.
Also, check out the totally modern design of this webpage. It’s worth the eye strain to read it because who doesn’t love NASA history?
12. National Feral Swine Damage Management Program
Imagine working on this program, which is an actual thing, along with “feral swine bombs.” Too bad they didn’t make a backronym out of the word SWINE. I guess we needed something to replace murder hornets in the news.
What’s this? Your college DJ handle? Your superhero name? No, it’s an actual medical condition where you can’t poop for a long time but then, finally, you poop. Like, a LOT. Like, “enough to fill a garbage bag” a LOT. I got this one from a friend who used to work in an assisted living home.
Apparently a related term is the equally delightful megarectum, and 12-year-old me is so happy right now. I’m not going to link to any of this because it’s gross and an honestly sad and scary medical condition. Let’s just add it to the list of things to call people who cut you off while driving3 and be done.
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Did you know that each week, you can also comment on this newsletter and start conversations about your favorite phrases? Now you do!
Until next Sunday . . .
Thanks for signing up for this nonsense and for sending feedback and phrases! Let me know what’s working and what’s not - I tried adding some footnotes this week, for example. What do you think?
Unfortunately, Substack doesn’t yet offer the option to add anchor links so you can jump from the phrase roundup at the top to the context below, and then back up to the top again. This is how I’ve always wanted to share these phrases, but it doesn’t work on this platform yet.
I’m sure in no time Substack will pack this thing with so many features that it renders it unwieldy to use, a la the burgeoning megacolons over at MailChimp and Trello.4
Which is a refreshing thing to read about a famous man for a change. ::shakes fist feminist-ly::
Do we love my friends? Yes. Yes we do.
Especially the ones who cut you off and then drive slowly. DEFINITE megacolons.